Emotions

This is post number 5o. I've been putting off a post about what love is for this one, but trying to sleep for the past half hour, I've actually had a lot of ideas branching off from it that, in order to sleep, I feel the need to put down into writing.

First, let me recap my theory on fear. Fear is an overabundance of doubt. The opposite of fear, an utter lack of doubts and fears, could be seen as confidence, while the ultimate in that direction would be recklessness, due to a lack of concern for the consequences.

Now, Love and Hate. We've all heard that hate is not the opposite of love, and I have never argued this point, and have finally found a way to explain it. Before that though, let me define love.

Love is the little things that make life worth living. Be it the earnest kisses from a sleepy puppy who has crawled to the nook of your arm, a smiling face who can make you happy just by being there, or a simple task that brings joy to your life.

Now, as with most things, love exists on a scale. Basically, how much it adds to your life that makes it worth it. At some point, it adds nothing. This is the opposite of love: indifference. Now, imagine this scale on a grid, like it was math class. It's a straight line just above the x axis (the horizontal). It goes straight, then curves down into the origin (0,0 or the center of the grid). From there, there is a line that curves back under the x axis following the same path, just on the negative side. It is equal but opposite. This is hate, things that make your life not worth living, or canceling out the love if you prefer to see it that way. The way I picture it, it's like a shadow. The opposite of your head would be your feet, rather than the head of your shadow. They're joined together (as long as you're in contact with the ground and are in contrasty light), but the two ends aren't the opposite, the origin is. And each point along it is far closer to it's counterpart than it is to the origin point, unless there is so little impact on your life it's negligible. This is why it's so easy to jump from love to hate and hate to love. Passion, of course, plays a role in it as do many other things. And with all such things, these scales are but one factor in our complex minds. This view is also looking at the overall balance, rather than the grand totals. Allowing the two sides to fight it out and looking at what is left.

Now, throw in fear. On that mental graph, add a line starting at and extending away from the origin. The direction doesn't matter, as long as it's not going back through the curved line. This is fear and confidence. The farther away from the origin point, the more doubt and fear there is. But at the very end of the graph, you hit the origin point. This is where you have absolutely no fear. This is because, intersecting with the other graph, there is nothing that makes life worth living. You have nothing to doubt because there is no fear of consequences. If you die, so what? It's not worth living. If you had enough hate, it could replace the reason to live with a need for vengeance. But at the point of indifference, it just doesn't matter.

Let's make this even more complicated. Sadness, happiness, and anger. These are perhaps the emotions most diverted by other variables, and annoyingly the most noticeable and powerful on our everyday lives. Let's look at them as a trio of lines extending from a central point. They do not negate each other, but they do seem to balance each other out well enough to consider it so for this graph paper exercise. The central point for the three is once again the origin, the point of indifference.

Extending along the line of fear is the line for sadness. Along the hate side of the curved line is anger. And, of course, along the love side would be happiness. Now, the farther away you get from the origin, the stronger the effect of the emotion, and the more capable it is of overriding the other two. A life of horrible fear, panophobia if you wish (fear of everything), is a very sad life. Someone consumed by hate is of course angry, and happiness usually results from love (talking about most humans, not the mentally twisted ones).

This is not all strictly true of course. But like I said, it is greatly subject to the effects of other variables. Such thing as the death of a loved one. You still love them, but the pain of the loss throws you straight into sadness. This is not always from an increase in doubt, but in grief. In time, things balance back out, but it takes time to heal. During this, most people jump back and forth between all three of those emotions, and many various combinations, as well as resting in that point of indifference. Anger especially is prone to outside influence from things such as irritation, protectiveness, and morality. This doesn't mean you're hateful, but rather that there are outside influences at work.

This point of indifference, the gray area, the numb zone, whatever you wish to call it, is perhaps the most dangerous spot for anyone to be because you simply do not care when you're there. About anything. The extremes of anger can be dangerous for its own reasons. Sadness and fear can be extremely dangerous as well, but often there are things you care about, things that add to the love side of the scale, which offer a reason to care. But when nothing tips the scale, it is hard to find reasons.

I know this model of human emotions is far from perfect, but it's rather useful for my way of thinking about things, plus I just find it fascinating to try to picture it all. And yes, I know there are more emotions and factors, but I'm tired and these seem to be the major ones, and related enough to most of the others. Loneliness springs to mind, but part of that is basic biological need, and I'm too tired to think it out anyway.

One last note on love though. It is all of the little things that add up in life that make it worth it. Not just one thing. The dog, the person, the hobby, they all add up into the same scale. None takes away from the others, they all add to it. While loving one person or thing can be enough, it's better to find more things as well. And before someone tries to twist my words, note that I said things not people (in the romantic sense. more people as in friends and family I'm all for). I am not condoning open relationships, polygamy, or cheating. Some people can handle those things, but usually it seems to add more to the negative side of that spectrum, more problems, than it adds love. Besides, I'm too greedy and too lazy. I refuse to share my man with anyone else, and even if I were so inclined I just wouldn't have the energy to seek out and romance anyone else. No worries, Sparky. I'm very happy with how things are, and I don't want anyone else.

Ah, I should explain the picture. Ties in with the love part. One of the things that can make it worth living is the counter-weight. It's completely different, but still matches and compliments the other part. They work together well, and one's strengths help cover the other's weaknesses, making the pair stronger than the parts. The same, yet opposite. Or maybe not opposite. Maybe a more happy version of the love/hate relationship. Not the shadow, but just the counterpart, working in tandem as a balancing act.

I've been typing on this for almost an hour now. Hopefully I can get some sleep now!