Ralph was born Prince Ralph of the Land of Junk. After the death of his father, he became King Ralph. Soon, however, the evil Old Man of the Mountain (of old AOL CDs) took over the Land of Junk, and deposed Ralph, stripping him of his finery. All he was allowed to retain was the following: 1 royal sceptre, gold, 1 begging cup, 1 crown, gold, 1 royal pendant in the form of some kind of shiny tool of unknown purpose, and his tattered cape with the words "Danger: Dad at Work" emblazoned upon the back. He wasn't sure that emblazoned was the right word for something printed on a t-shirt, but it had a nice ring and sounded appropriate when describing his cape. Now, Ralph is the Beggar King, reduced to begging for spare change at the side of the road. He is no longer capable of standing upright, and simply sort of squats, bent over nearly double as he pleads up tot passers-by, which he incidentally insists on referring to as passer-byers, asking for spare change. His dream is to one day rise up and reclaim the throne of the Land of Junk, or at least to save up enough change to buy a pair of shoes.
Hey, I said I'd give you a story with the head shot, I didn't say that it would be a good one.
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