Tarnations

I dream a lot. It's rarely a good thing, but rather almost always it's weird, and often enough unpleasant. I never wake up happy from a dream. Which is why this is one hell of a kicker. I just woke up from a dream that made me happy, and feel calm, important to someone, and hopeful for the future. Then I realized, oh yeah, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore because he thinks I'm a whore. You see, I'm new to where I live. I had one friend here, and I really suck at making friends. So I went online to a site I hated, but had not tried in quite some time. It's usually a place for hooking up. I did everything in my power to show that that is not why I was there. Including "NO SEX" marked everywhere. I gave up on facebook and myspace, so that really narrows down the options. I can't go to class and make friends, I graduated. I haven't started working yet. So I thought I'll go, be very cautious, and hope there's someone decent to talk to. And there was. So what happens when I share this happy news? I run out of friends here. Someone I really care about too. Wish I could say cared, but apparently it doesn't apply, based on my dreams. Oh well... I did everything I could to fix things, but I'm not going to go through hell again for him. I (hopefully) will start figuring out better how to make friends and maybe then I won't feel quite so alone here. Thank God for family...