While sitting on the couch earlier watching a rather fascinating documentary that has left my mental voice with a British accent for the time being (I blame John Cleese for this), something completely unrelated dawned on me thanks to my cat. I understand that that's a rather odd statement from most people, although anyone who knows me (or has read this blog fairly regularly) shouldn't' be surprised by this, so let me back up.
Within the last, let's call it a month and a half, my life has undergone several major alterations. First, I graduated college. If you don't already know, I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts. Secondly, I moved three states away from the one I had lived in for the last 22 years or so. Thirdly, a long term relationship ended. And fourthly and most recently, there is he who is called Sparky. Sparky has become a very close friend, and slowly (or not so slowly, but going slowly from there) something more. So, there we have four big changes, plus another, later one which acts as something of a stabilizing force in my life. A counter-weight of sorts.
At the moment, I am looking for a job, trying to fully settle in to my new place of residence, trying to pick up an art career (which will rely on the job to take off, as I need a new wheel to get going), trying to figure out what the hell the state of Florida wants me to bring/do to get a driver's license, trying to settle into a budding romance (which is actually the easiest out of all of these), trying to open myself up with this blog, and trying to teach myself Spanish. (Que sueno como un mono con retraso cuando hablo español, pero estoy aprendiendo poco a poco.) In the process of all this lovely change, I have slowly started to find balance in my life again. Partly this is from having moved out of a city back to rural life, which I am much better suited for, so I can relax again, plus fond memories and yadda yadda yadda.
So, despite the large picture of my cat swatting at a flame, I have not mentioned him at all since the first paragraph of this post. I've always thought my personality mirrored the cat more, and my dog less. I realized, as he was coming over to get attention for the umpteenth time in the last few hours, that this isn't quite true. While I outwardly present more of the cat's traits (namely being somewhat grumpy, grudge holding--although not against my mother as he does--and anti-social), the dog has qualities in common with me as well. The need to check in with the ones I care about, loyal, possessive of my property here, and friendly and concerned about those I accept within my circle (not everyone like he does thought). As I looked at this puffy creature sitting on my lap, backlit by John Cleese talking about facial expressions, it dawned on me that he is much more social of late than he has been in a very long time. The dog is more or less the same personality, although a bit more territorial of "his" yard. He is much happier here though, with room to run and plenty of grass to eat. But I realized that they both portray my personality, but rather than the mean personality I would expect, they convey the "extreme" ends of the spectrum that is me. By extreme in this case, I mean the grumpiest I'll normally get and the happiest I'll normally get. Surely there are spikes that could get past that, but they are extremely rare, and hopefully will not happen to be displayed.
So, what can I learn from watching my cat be more friendly? I've gotten rather significantly less... less what? constrained? grumpy? bitchy? They all rather fit in their own ways... And I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer my own question here. It takes a rather strong mind to analyze itself. While I can do the beginnings of this, I am unable to properly focus without my calibrator. In short, Alisha, I should be texting you within a few days of posting this. Been a while since I have anyway, but I need a read on myself. This is your forewarning.
Perhaps I should take a trip back to where I came from in a month or two, just to check in wit people, and see how I've changed based on those interactions, which is my only reliable means of measuring myself. It would be nice. And I think that Sparky and I might want to go on a road trip sometime soonish, go visit, maybe hit the highlights of the state. Who knows. The only thing I know for certain right now is, thanks to my cat and Mr. Cleese, I won't be getting to sleep any time soon.
Oh, and maybe next post I'll expand upon the Cleese comments. And get this British voice back stuck in my head.
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