Lonesome Nights

Most evenings when I'm here by myself, I feel somewhat lonely. It usually doesn't get to me too badly, and it's nothing I can't push out of my head. I am not ready to live with someone again yet, and I rather like having the place to myself for the most part. Things are how I want them, and where I want them. Nobody minds if I don't get dressed for half the day when I'm not busy, or if I stay up till four in the morning, or if I practice the guitar which I just did for the first time since before my pets were born (so starting from nil, basically).

But some nights... I just sit there and feel the world passing me by. Texting helps some. Emailing helps some. Talking would have helped some. But then it got to be late, and nobody is here other than me. The cat took over the couch, which was sweet at first but it's just too warm to cuddle a overly furry critter right now. So I sat there watching this movie and constantly waiting for it to get to be good. Then the credits started rolling and I was surprised at the lack of closure of the movie and the lack of impact from the movie.

I like being alone, and I like the quiet. I like my woods. But there are times when you want to know that if you needed someone, you could just call out and have them there. Or be able to look in and see them sleeping. Or look over your shoulder and see someone holding you, sound asleep. Or to sit up late and drink coffee talking about stupid stuff that happened years ago. You get the point.

It's possible that it would be best to simply delete this post before I even publish it. But I don't think that I will. It isn't aimed at anyone, and isn't meant to bring anyone down. It might, I know. But maybe reading that other people are lonely too might help in some weird way. That even when you have someone special, you can still glance over at your bed and find only a puppy on it, using the other pillow like he was a human... which is rather cute I admit, but oddly makes me a bit sad. I think he feels alone too. He has no other dog to play with, and his human keeps picking him for fleas. Plus it's just too hot to cuddle very much.

Leaving it on that bittersweet note, I think I will go cuddle my puppy and wish that he was somebody else with a bit of spark to him.